An Entry for the LP Hall of Fame

Due to the classic tale that the following story is, and will become in the future archives, I must fast forward right to it and relay it while it is still fresh in my mind. I apologize for jumping out of order but you will understand. I fully intended to keep this chronologically intact...but this is just too good to hold on to.

Not many days ago, while on my watch, I stumble across an older looking black female, leaning her weight on the handle bar of the shopping cart in front of her, as she slowly meanders through the Ladies Apparel department. The fact that nothing she was wearing would have ever come from the Ladies Department of any store was one thing that caught my eye, the second being the constant panning back and forth of her eyes across the top of the racks. Not sure about you, but when I am shopping for something, I look down at the merchandise, not across the top of the racks. I have found it easier to find my size that way.

So, this lady continues this wandering about the store, ocassionally grabbing something off this rack, or that shelf, maybe this hook. All the while, I maintained a constant view from behind a rack, or on the other side of an aisle. I pulled some clothes off a shelf and threw them over my shoulder to try and blend in as a shopper, just in case she turned and saw me nearby. This cat and mouse routine kept up from one end of the store to the other, and at a nice steady pace for exactly one hour. It wasn't a difficult surveillance, but a long one.

Finally, I observe her making a move. She strolled into the Accessories where all of the handbags of all different shapes and sizes hang. I watched from afar as she finally reached up and pulled a large shiny red holiday bag off the top hook and placed it into her cart, and slowly wandered back toward the clothes racks. Once in a suitable position, between two full coat racks and next to a wall display, I watched her open the bag and take her collection of merchandise from the cart and place it into the big red bag. She hesitated only a moment as an employee walked by, totally oblivious to the illegal activity going on in her department. At this point I called the front desk by cell phone and advised them I observed a lady acting like she was about to leave with a bag full of merchandise. I asked for a female to employee to meet me at the door so I have a witness when I stop her.

Finally, with her bag now full of her chosen items, she pushes the cart toward the front door. I relocate to a position behind bed sheets, comforters and pillows which are adjacent to the main entrance, or in this case, exit. I am able to use a mirrored celing tile from this position to wait for her move to leave the store. However, she doesn't. I noticed her cart sitting by the Jewelry counter but she had walked away from it. Hoping she didn't give up on her heist and abandon the cart, I walked out of the aisle to check the front door. Unfortunately for me, I walked right into the aisle she was standing in, and also checking out the front door. I immediately stopped and turned toward the shelf and began picking through the packages of sheets and pillow cases, like a normal shopper would. This is where the case takes an interesting, and quite unique twist.

"Hi how are you doin tonight sir...?" I wasn't sure I even heard it right. I turned toward her in curiosity. "Hi how are you tonight?"

The lady was now cartless, and with both hands in the back pockets of her worn out jeans as she approached me smiling, I discovered she was also toothless.

"Sir you look bothered about something, everything alright?" the lady walked up to me as if we knew each other. I couldnt help but wonder, was she playing me because she knew I was watching her, or is she that nervous that she needs to talk to someone before she rolls out the door with a cart load of stolen merchandise..... hmmmm. For a split second I thought about responding that I was bothered because after following her for an hour I made the mistake of walking into the same aisle as her!

"Oh I just hate shopping, especially during the holidays." I responded and watched her reaction. She never stopped scanning the area for employees as she halfheartedly spoke to me.

"Oh really? What'cha shopping for?"

"I need to get something for my girlfriend, I don't really know what to get..." I reached up and pulled the clothes off my shoulder. "So far I picked this but I dont even know if she'll like this." I said holding a green V-Neck sweater I had blindly grabbed as I was passing the shelf.

"Oh ok! That's nice, that's nice!" I tried to slowly get the conversation moved back toward the cart. "What are you leaving now?" she asked as I moved toward the end of the aisle.

"Hey sir," she said almst shyly and smiling large, "can I aks you for a favor?"

"Sure, what's up?" I said reaching around for my wallet to make my sweater "purchase."

"Well how far ya goin when you leave here?'" she asked still nervously looking around for employees.

"I'm heading out to Downville from here, why where you heading?" I asked the fidgity, wannabe thief.

"Would you be able to drop me over at the bus station?" It was such a relief to hear those words. This told me she, first, trusted me, and second, didn't know me from a hole in the ground. My jig was not up yet!

"Yeah over here where the busses are, sure I can take ya..." I turned back to see where her cart was and said, "you done your shopping there or you still shopping?"

"Oh no, thats not from this store, I got nothing from this store." she said quickly pulling the cart up next to her. "This bag is from the dollar store over there..."

"Oh ok, whatever..." I interrupted to show I didn't care as long as she was ready to leave.

I walked up to the service desk with my internal fingers crossed, hoping the cashier wouldn't say hi to me, ask me how late I was working, am I using my employee discount card, or any number of different things she could say to blow my cover within earshot of my new friend, the thief.

"Maam," I started anxiously, "Are you able to ring me up here or do we have to go to a regular register?" Fingers crossed.

The cashier looked at me for a minute, then looked at the lady pulling the cart up behind me and after what seemed like an hour replied,

"Sure I can take you here." Phew...another sigh of relief. I glanced back as I was being rung up and noticed she once again let her cart get away from her.

"C'mon, grab your stuff, someone could steal it over there!"

My sweater was bagged and I turned toward the exit.

"Ready? Let's get outta here!"

I pushed open the glass doors as she pulled the cart behind her. As soon as she entered between the doors, the alarm was activated by something in her bag.

"What's that?" she stopped immediately and looked up at me with bulging eyes.

"That's not for us," I said brushing it off as she kept moving through the doors I was holding open.

Just as another employee came into the vestibule to be my witness, I put my hand on her cart and looked at her.

"Oh, there was one other thing I forgot to tell you, I work security here for this store."

She stared at me for a second with wide eyes as if the deer was about te be struck by the car.

"I'm so sorry Mr. Security, so sorry Mr. Security."

"Okay, well let's go back inside so I can get some information from you, it's real quick and you'll still be able to make your bus." I usually say something similar to every shoplifter in an effort to have a cooperative, uneventful, walk back to the office. No matter what I know to be the end result, they always get the same initial statement.

The witnessing employee took control of the cart and immediately began wheeling it back into the store. We followed the cart to the interrogation office where for the next 30 minutes we talked and counted merchandise. At the end of the night, the big red bag yielded almost 400.00 worth of stolen merchandise. As a result, this shopper-gone-wrong walked out of the store in handcuffs, and I look forward to visiting with her again at her hearing.

This concludes my nomination for this year's LP Hall of Fame entry.