Funny Thing Happened...

So, funny thing happened to me on the way to work....

I found myself testifying at an Unemployment Hearing, for an employee I had fired for stealing mechandise! Is it just me, or is the possibility of this guy being eligible for unemployment benefits simply ridiculous?

I was notified a few weeks ago that this guy, one of the employees removing PSP Game Systems from the display case, was applying for unemployment. the management fortunately agreed with me, and decided to appeal. The manager turned the case over to me.

I was handed all of the papers sent to us from the Unemployment Office. I added that to the file I had created on the employee after we caught him stealing. I thought it to be quite ironice that these two files were even related. Fired for stealing, applying for unemployment.

Last night before I left the office, I reviewed the papers about today's hearing. I have testified almost twenty times in criminal court, so I figured how hard could this be? A list of requirements lined the left side of the "Notice of Hearing."

Arrive fifteen minutes early. Check.
Wear professional attire. Check.
Bring any supporting documents. Check.
Make three copies of each document. Check, check, check.
Bring any video that supports the case. Check.

The rest of the sheet explained how to act while testifying. Speak up, state yes or no when possible, just answer the question do not offer further information unless asked to, etc etc.

Off I went with my folder in hand, containing three copies of everything and a DVD containing the video of the theft. I would have been fifteen minutes early, but of course I had to stop for coffee. I figured the Judge at the criminal court never starts on time, and doesn't really care when you are running late. That, and the fact that I hadn't eaten or drank anything before leaving my house, I really needed the coffee before I tried to act professional. So I was ten minutes early, no harm done.

I walked across the crowded parking lot, making me reconsider the coffee break decision. I couldnt get a parking space near the building, and I was wondering just how crowded my waiting room would be now that I am behind schedule. I climbed the stairs to the second floor office. Opening the door which read "Unemployment Referree's Office," I smiled thinking of the image of a man wearing a zebra striped shirt and a white baseball cap sitting at the head of the table, while I sat across the table from the fired employee. The man at the head of the table would have the whistle handing out of his mouth, and flip a large coin to start the debate.

My mind cleared of all nonsense as soon as the door opened into an almost empty waiting room. Next to the door was the ex-employee sitting laid back in the chair with a NY baseball cap pulled down almost to his eyelids. At the far corner of the long rectangular waiting room, was the store manager, almost hiding behind a magazine he was sort of reading. Not only was the horrible body language screaming out across the room, it was made worse by the fact that I was the only one in a shirt and tie. There sat the store manager in jeans and a colorful patchwork polo shirt I wouldn't wear to a family barbecue let alone an official hearing. I signed in at the window, which separated me from an older lady who apparently hated her job, and took a seat next to the manager. The lovely lady at the window offered the case documents to me to review. In retrospect, I wonder if she thought I was an attorney representing my store. I did, afterall, wear my power tie.

I had just enough time to pick up a magazine when the referree, minus the zebra stripes, came into the waiting room calling for us to follow him. We took our seats, laid out much like how I imagined it a few minutes earlier. The referree rattled off a dissertation about how this hearing would be handled and within seconds we were on the roller coaster ride of unemployment benefits. I sat quietly tucked behind my overstuffed manila folder until it was my turn to speak. The most anti-climatic part of the day was when it was announced that this employee had been terminated for stealing from the store. It felt alot like that feeling you get when your car comes to a screeching halt at the end of the ride. Your hair is amuck, you're out of breath and for a second or two, you can't move. For a split second you could almost hear the air being sucked out of the room. The man at the head of the table was none too pleased. He rapidly thumbed through his papers looking for anywhere it was mentioned that the guy requesting unemployment benefits had been fired for Retail Theft. He found it nowhere.

It was funny to see how quickly things began to wrap up after we had let that cat out of the bag. Everyone's statments were made, ONE document was requested from my folder, and next thing we know, we are back in the waiting room wondering what just happened.

We were left with a brief statement from the ref explaining that we would not get a ruling today, we would have to wait until the decision was made over the next two weeks. I'm sorry, we have to wait two weeks to hear if this thief was going to be paid unemployment?

I am going to think positive. Afterall, I will see the ex-employee again next week in Criminal Court at his Preliminary Hearing. I will be winning that one, the decision will be made that day and oh yeah... I am stopping for coffee on the way.